Shakti.. Woman..

Today, I am compelled to write this blog.
The power in the hands of a woman and the magic or destruction it can create has just amazed me. I had been noticing this immense power through various situations and examples in and around me, but never actually realized how powerful and dangerous it can get, until today. It can definitely make or break a life, a family or even a country. Mom was right. No wonder she kept guiding me towards being a  woman who could bring life in a life and not someone who would destroy it all. All her super-natural stories make sense today. All her teachings and lectures are flashing in front of me now.
This whole realization of power being in my hands as well and me being the source of Shakti is scaring me now. It means that I have a huge responsibility in front of me in near future. Would I be able to turn a family happier and prettier than ever? Would I pass this real-time test of life? Would I be a source of construction and not destruction? That future will only tell. But I know who I am and what I can do, so probably I don't need to be scared.
Well, more than being amazed, scared and compelled to think on these lines, I am worried about a very dear friend of mine, who is stuck in the hands of destruction. And, at this point I am clueless or how to help him. I don't know what to do. My talking and explaining doesn't seem to help. I calm him down for a brief period of time and he seems to be happy, but the next time I see him, the same sadness, dullness, extreme pain would be in and all around him. He has lost so much of weight. Having known him for quite some time now, I have seen the time when a girl had made his life so beautiful that he was spreading happiness all around. Today, I see the exact opposite, in fact even worse.
I am worried and scared.. I wish and pray he comes back to his own-self soon.

I dream......

I am a dreamer. I dream. I dream dreams, be it attainable or unattainable. I dream with my eyes open and closed. I dream day in and out. I am a dreamer. I dream.

Dreams are a part of me. One moment I am flying on clouds and the other being stabbed by a three eyed doodle suddenly happen to come to life. One moment I am a fashion designer wearing my own creations and the other I am just an ordinary girl trying to live her life as it comes. One moment I am rich, famous and beautiful and the other I am pulling all strings to be accepted in a society.
My dream world though nameless, keeps changing depending on my mood. Today, I see butterflies everywhere. Beautiful. Colorful. Bubbly. They come and whisper in my ears. Probably they are indicating that my life is going to change soon. In a beautiful way. Probably my prince is just around. Probably they are just saying that you should be happy like you are today, you look beautiful. Probably I am dreaming way too much with my eyes open today. :) I guess I have too much time to spare.. :P

But I can't imagine myself void of dreams. They give me the strength to move forward. To do something in life. To stay happy. I am a dreamer. I dream.

Better hate than love....

In a world where people strive for love, emotions, bonding, togetherness and run away from hatred, anger, jealousy, fights, I found myself hanging on in a middle road, being pulled by both sides with such equal strong forces that there was a moment when I felt that I would be split into two halves anytime soon.. I was more worried about satisfying both the ends rather than being bothered about what I want. But now that the decision has been taken I want to know how bleak are the chances that I might be actually not so happy in the world full of love and care and emotions and bonding and togetherness or would be happy in a place where I don't have to force myself to feel the way I don't feel which in turn could lead to hatred and anger and fights and being hurt? I hate such decision making processes and cross roads. Someone or the other definitely gets hurt by the time this whole thing ends. Which makes me unhappy, when the whole decision is being taken to be happy!!
Well the thing is, in the recent past I have lost a very dear friend of mine because of this whole damn decision making process! I don't think I have the courage to go up to that person to apologize for a lot of things. When ever I come across this friend, my heart skips several beats, turns around and hides its own face out of shame and guilt. I miss being around, chatting and talking to this person. I badly miss this friend. There were times when I so badly wanted to go and confront what ever I felt, say sorry, talk things out, and make the whole thing work again. But then this other voice in me never let me do that. It kept saying - 'It's better this friend hates you. This way the feeling of hatred would definitely surpass everything else and you would be the only one getting hurt. The pain would be reduced a lot from the other end, which is what is important because you can't see your friend in pain. It's better if its only you who gets hurt. I know you would be able to handle it.'
I am not a supernatural force to make right decisions all the time, but what ever I do, the intention is never bad at heart. Losing a friend is a pain that can kill you with it's ache. That's what is happening to me. Probably in this case it's better hate than love.....

PS: In case you read this blog (hoping chances are very less) - I just want you to know how sorry I am for whatever has happened and for not being there when I was needed the most..